Wednesday, May 28, 2008

I'm probably NOT going to die this week

What I thought yesterday was "death-by-spider" is now shaping up to be "not-death-by-bra." Boy, does that sound lame.

Has anyone ever had a bruise develop from your bra being too tight? I think that's what's happened to me, thanks to those extra 10 pounds (from last summer's trip, see pic at right) plus my refusal to buy new bras lately. But this particular bruise (or whatever) has developed at the same time that I had 24 hrs of low-grade fever and body aches. And there's a spot near the bruise that my mom says looked kind of like a bite, but I think it's just a mole that also got rubbed raw by the too-tight-bra. Still ... does that part make sense? I was really freaked out by the idea of a spider bite, because in this particular location it could only have occurred while I was sleeping in my bed. WHich - just - ew.

Anyway, now that my fever is gone, I don't think I'm going to die. Probably there are no spiders in my bed. I'm just harboring a bit of resentment that GIH wasn't falling all over himself to take care of me in my hour of panic and need. Or even doing/saying anything at all. So I picked another fight this morning about "why don't you love me?" which just made things worse, as usual.

Gee, any wonders why I haven't been blogging lately?

Monday, August 27, 2007

What is wrong with this man?

My dad just called to discuss our weekend plans. He's flying out here from El Paso for Labor Day weekend. Said he bought a bunch of old movies on DVD and wondered if we wanted him to bring any to watch. Classic war pics like Gunga Din, Zulu, etc.

Then he asks "Does Big like movies about horses?" (Actually he used my name instead of hers, but I knew what he meant?) Goes on to explain how he got this neat movie called In Pursuit of Honor, starring Don Johnson. Oh, it's about a cavalryman who's ordered to kill all of his horses, but he doesn't, instead he runs them up to Canada, all the while being pursued by tanks and armed soldiers.

Oh, it's not that scary really. And there are some really cute parts with the horses where they are trained to respond to bugle calls.

My poor dad. He just does.not.get that Big is only 5! And that she's still scared of Toy Story and Veggie Tales!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I know it's only church league softball ... BUT ...

would it absolutely KILL some of these people to show a little discipline? We had a scrimmage/practice tonight and I am pissed off at two types of people:

1. HOTSHOTS. These are the "natural athletes" who take every opportunity to show off what they can do. Walk in to practice late, schmooze with the ladies, talk over the coach, then smack the ball out of the park at the first swing. More often than not, this same kid is the one who moves in front of anybody else to make a play, runs down the runner himself rather than toss the ball to the baseman, and for good measure GUNS the ball to first so fast that the normally-tough-girl playing there cringes in fear. It wouldn't be so bad if Mr. Hotshot didn't trip all over himself half the time.

2. GIRLY-GIRLS. Mostly teenagers, but some of their moms qualify. Spend their time in right field gabbing with the other Girly Girls, twirling their hair, admiring their pedicures, etc. (Because, don't you know, flip flops are the perfect footwear for sports.) Cannot throw or worse yet HIT to save their lives. Our two biggest girly-girls swung and missed at 20 pitches in a row last week! I don't know why they're there. Crazy thought: If you are willing to be on the team, and you KNOW you suck, wouldn't you want to take some reasonable steps to get better. Yes, it's church league and we're all here to have fun, but it is also actually fun to DO SOMETHING RIGHT. Or at least to try.

Damn, I'm just too f*ucking competitive. And the worst part of all is, it's church league, so I really can't use that kind of language.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Cheating via meme, already

I thought I was so cool, being prepared to blog again after such a long absence. So much going on in my actual life (Busy's 3rd birthday, more staff stuff at church, getting ready for VBS in less than two weeks) that I am hiding my head in the sand about all that and blogging about something else. HG's birthday meme from 7/12 caught my eye, so I am trying my hand at the following: "Go to wikipedia and type in the day and month of your birth. Then pick three events, two births and one holiday that occurred on your birthday and post them."

CMG's birthday: November 25

Three events
1926 - The worst, deadliest tornado outbreak in U.S. November history strikes on Thanksgiving day. 27 twisters of great strength reported in the midwest, including the strongest November tornado, an estimated F4, that devastates Heber Springs, Arkansas. 51 deaths in Arkansas alone, 76 deaths and over 400 injuries in all.
1947 - Red Scare: The "Hollywood Ten" are blacklisted by Hollywood movie studios.
1963 - President John F. Kennedy is buried at Arlington National Cemetery.

Two births
1960 - John F. Kennedy, Jr., American publisher (d. 1999)
1981 - Barbara Bush and Jenna Bush, daughters of George W. Bush and Laura Bush\

One holiday
International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women (since 1981)

Monday, July 16, 2007

Bitty Baby's birthday party

Since I already when to the trouble to type this up in another venue, I thought I'd share this here so I can read it again when I'm old and grey. Which means in about three weeks, at the rate I'm going.

So, the Big Girl whines. A LOT. Apparently that's really common at this age. It's maddening in its own right, but what gets me the most is when she whines about her sister. "I don't have anyone to play with me ... It's no fun with Busy around ... There's nothing for me to doooo ... I can't play X because Mommy is ALWAYS making dinner and Daddy is ALWAYS playing with Busy and there is never anybody to play with ME ... Busy always wants to get in my way and mess things up because she doesn't know how to play ... I can't do Y by myself because I'm no good at it and I need a grownup's help but the grownups are always with Busy and it's not fair ..."

Actually she started to blame things on me for marrying Daddy, but I did put a stop to that. Who says I have no authority? And I've started reading "Siblings without Rivalry" to help address the sister problem.

Consequences for whining have developed into Big being set to her room until she can talk with her nice voice. And while she's there she has to read a random page of "14000 things to be happy about" and find one thing that she likes. Tonight she came downstairs giggling like crazy over "bib overalls". But sometimes, to address the underlying need for more of Mommy's attention (which is most of the cause of the whining), I am generous with my time. On Saturday I agreed to play with Big and her dolls for 30 minutes, maybe 45, under the condition that when it was time to stop there would be no whining about it or I wouldn't play anymore. She wanted to play "Bitty Baby's surprise birthday party" and here's how we did it.

1. take all the bedding out from a secret stash in Big's room and make BB's crib
2. find pajamas for BB and Jess and dress both dolls (Big has great difficulty doing these manipulations on her own so I have to do all the dressing)
3. tuck BB and Jess into their beds
4. while the dolls are sleeping, find our purses and pretend to go to the store to buy them toys and pets.
5. "wrap" the toys and hide the pets near the beds
6. "make" a cake (2 cups flour, 1 cup sugar, 5 cups baking powder; then add the wet ingredients, which are 2 eggs, 1 stick butter, 1 cup milk, and 1 cup oil)
7. while the cake is baking, go to the "store" again to buy party decorations and cake decorations
8. take the cake out of the oven; while it is cooling (for 5 minutes, Mom!) we hang pretend streamers and banners around the room
9. "decorate" the cake and hide it on top of the "refrigerator"
10. wake up the dolls, get them dressed in their day-time clothes
11. (at this point I tell Big that we've been playing for 30 minutes and we have just 15 minutes left)
12. "buckle" everybody into carseats/seatbelts and "drive" to the doctor's office because it looks like BB is getting sick and we need to know if she'll be healthy enough to have her birthday party
13. while at dr's office, Jess "plays" in the well-kids room during BB's checkup; she's OK so then we "drive" home
14. let the dolls "open" their gifts then dress BB in her party clothes, complete with party hat that won't stay on and a party bib for Bitty Bear, and a matching hat for Big.
15. (now I tell Big that we've got 5 minutes left)
16. in the final 5 minutes, we give the dolls their pets, let them walk halfway across the room to the "party" and eat the "cake". I think we remembered to sing Happy Birthday at some point, but I'm not sure.
17. I tell Big that our time is done so we spend another 10-15 minutes putting everything away. To her credit, there is only a token amount of whining ("but that was too fast! We didn't get to play for a WHOLE hour!")

I hope that bought me enough good karma that I am off the hook for American Girls for at least three months. And also? Yay, me, for getting Back to the Blog!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Shooting fish in a barrel

Well, if you're going to make it THAT easy on me to make a new post, I guess I'll have to take a turn! Thanks to Tavia and Lisa for giving me a much needed boost. But before I start, I really do want to tell the story of how I locked myself in my room for 3 hours on Sunday night, just to get a break from my ungrateful and wholly irrational family. If anybody wants to hear it.

In the meantime:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain (I think it was mountain)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa.
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk.
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland (who the hell wrote this list, anyway? Why Ireland? Is is just because my HS band couldn't raise enough money to go there so we had to take a tour of Yugoslavia instead?)
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs (and my spices; is that on this list?)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business (I think you can call it that)
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured an ancient site
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played Dungeons & Dragons for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie (no, but I was on 60 Minutes!)
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children (in progress)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (but I wish I had!)
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life (well, actually it was Buddy, who rescued one of his dog friends, but I was the one who called 911)
151. Finished a marathon

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Busy Lexicon

Doesn't every mother think that her child says the cutest things? Well CMG is no exception. This being the modern world, I have two tools at my disposal to save the evidence of Busy's budding language skills for all eternity. The first, the camcorder, requires that I catch the girl off guard. If she sees me with the camera she'll start (a) hamming it up and (b) clamoring for a view. Of course, if she's on my side of the camera, then what am I taking pictures of? I do not need to record that many images of my messy playroom for all posterity.

So the second tool is, of course, my blog. I am sharing her words today with maybe a dozen people. Wouldn't you rather read about it than be forced to watch my home movies though?

Busy and the Alphabet
The inevitable mixing up of letter sounds: c/k --> t/d, f --> w, l --> y, s/sh--> y, th --> f.

Thus Kiddie Park sounds like titty part, frog and feet sound like wog and wheat, and sandals become yandals.

Busy and Grammar
As ego-centric as most babies are, Busy is taking her sweet time learning about "I" or even "me". She refers to herself as "my" and "mine". She efficiently dispenses with the entire notion of auxiliary verbs. Why say "What are you doing, mommy?" when you could simply ask, "Doing, mommy?"

Busy and the Negative
Of course all toddlers know about "no". It took Busy several months to say the word, however. In the meantime she would simply shake her head while speaking in order to negate her words. In order to say, e.g., "Buddy is not upstairs", Busy would shake her head from side to side and say "Buddy Up Tairs." I am happy to report that she has now learned to say "no" and "not." As in "Not you, Mommy!" "No-o-o! Mommy Top Dat!"

Putting It All Together
One of my favorite Busy-isms (and one that I get to hear a lot, especially thanks to Big's influence at the dinner table): I don't like it --> No my yike it! Another one is: I can't see --> No my yee!

And She Can Count, Too!
One two free five six yeven eight nine ten yeven eight nine ten yeven eight nine ten yeven twelve!

Now to get this child her own talk show.