1. I buy milk at Braum’s rather than the grocery store. The milk from Braum’s is cheaper (currently $2.49/gallon) than milk from the other stores, tastes better, and is better for you (concentrated, to give more protein and fat per fluid ounce.) However, this is WRONG because (a) it requires extra errands to buy milk (Braum's quit selling groceries at the drive-through window about a year ago) and (b) Braum's milk jugs have an extra seal on them that requires disposal in the trash -- sometimes I don't throw it in the trash right away, thereby creating extra work for my husband.
2. I subscribe to the local newspaper. Yes, I pay good money for yesterday's news and for the privilege of leaving newspaper sections all over the house for GIH to discard.
3. I play with my children. A LOT. During the day I sit and read with them, play pretend games, and supervise various craft projects. After dinner I play chase with them and let them crawl all over me. I DO let them watch TV and videos, but sometimes instead of "getting stuff done" during that time, I use it for internet time. And then the kids pester other adults (read, GIH) to play with them. too.
4. I pick my toenails rather than clip them. Maybe this is gross. Apparently it is. But farting is not. Go figure!
5. I burn myself on the oven rack or toaster occasionally. Especially the latter, lately, because my little bamboo tongs that are supposed to help me remove things from the toaster have been misplaced. More specifically, they have been misplaced by the person in our house whose job it is to put away the dishes. Hint ... that's not the ChemMom!
6. I have established places for kitchen items to go. Like the spreaders, cookie scoops, and various small gadgets, which all reside in the drawer next to the refrigerator. And the ice cream scoop ... but NOT the corkscrew or the chip clips. These live in the second drawer down, next to the dishwasher. And in the main dinner utensil drawer, I have TWO separate compartments for spoons and two for forks (sorted by size.) And the knife block has a specific slot for each knife, and they're all supposed to go in with the blade facing to the right. (Actually, I'm not sure he even knows that last part, but he'd be pissed if he did.)
7. I buy and read parenting books. This is a triple sin because (a) it is throwing money away, (b) it's indulging what I want without asking for approval, and (c) it's taking the word of some "expert" and forcing it into our household routine.
8. I come from a dysfunctional family. Yes, the precious daughters of the GIH share the curse of my mother's genes. They are destined to repeat Item#5 over and over again! They might even grow up and ask their husbands to attend couples' therapy. The genes from IL are, of course, perfect.
9. Because of the childhood influences of #8, I tend to throw, hit, or kick things when I am angry. In the past few years, that has meant doors and walls rather than children. Yes, I did kick a hole in a door in 2003. I'm not proud of it. See #10.
10. I apply my photographic memory to almost anything rather than financial planning. I remember enough about who said/did what to not be blamed for all holes in all doors. Our current house has a broken door to the master bedroom. It's been that way since before we moved in; I remember noticing it when the realtor first showed us the house. A few months ago I committed the heresy of not admitting that I broke the door in a fit of rage.
God, I'm an evil bitch.
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3 comments:
I could write an essay responding to this one. I do find it only slightly amusing that reading this makes me pissed off at MY husband. How does that work?? Anyway, my opinions: 1) unless the husband buys the milk, he should simply say "thank you for buying milk, dear". 2) grown women are entitled to deciding if they want to subscribe to the local newspaper or not. 3) Way to go! I applaud you for a job well done. 4) Maybe a little gross, but not compared to JL's boyfriend's foot related grossness (check the "tag" comment on my blog). 5) Why hasn't he bought you new bamboo tongs? 6)Ack. Don't look in our kitchen drawers. 7) Ack. Let's try not to let your H talk to my H about this. My H has equally lame reasons for objecting to parenting books. 8) His family just denies it's dysfunctionality. 9) You can come hit my punching bag any time you want. Seriously, it helps. Ask JL. 10) Time to lawyer up. The burden of proof is on the prosecution.
And I completely disagree with your final statement, of course.
It's funny what irritates other people, no? Now, you need to make a top ten of things HE does to piss YOU off.
I totally agree with Gretchen. Somehow, reading this list makes me mad at my husband too! Men. Pheh! (I totally agree that all spoons and forks should be separated by size and that all knives should be placed in the correct spots with blades facing the same way. Otherwise, the handles look wrong. Along the same theme, there is a proper way to load the dishwasher and I am the only one who knows how to do it.)
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